My Partner Is Bad With Money, What Should I Do? Money and Relationships
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It’s so common for people in a relationship to have different money personalities.
A saver marries a spender or an investor gets with a money avoider.
This can lead to you being in a relationship with someone who is bad with money.
Or, you may find that your partner has started to make bad money decisions and it’s getting worse.
We understand that it can be so tricky to know how to approach this situation.
Today we’re going to help you know what to do if you feel your partner is bad with money.
Specifically, we’re breaking down:
- What you shouldn’t do
- Ways you can support your partner
- What you should put in place for yourself
Table of Contents
How To Tell If My Partner Is Bad With Money
There are a few financial red flags to look for in a relationship.
You may be constantly covering the joint expenses yourself because your partner has no money left.
Your partner may be prioritising present-day luxuries over paying off debts.
They may be running out of money faster than you despite them earning more.
They may be avoiding having genuine conversations about money.
You may notice an imbalance in who takes financial responsibility in your relationship.
And sometimes, you just know.
You can’t put your finger on it, but you have a feeling that something’s not quite right.
Usually, their financial choices will impact you and your money.
3 Things You Shouldn’t Do If Your Partner Is Bad With Money
First, lets talk about what you shouldn’t do if you find that your partner is bad with money.
Don’t Ignore or Avoid It
The easiest thing to do at times is to turn a blind eye to this.
But don’t!
The longer you leave it the worse it’ll get and the harder it will be to make changes.
Sometimes we lie to ourselves that it’ll sort itself out or tell ourselves it’s not that bad.
The truth is, it usually doesn’t.
Every fire starts with a spark.
We’ve had tough money conversations too so we know it’s hard.
But the best way to deal with an issue is to confront it.
Don’t Take Charge Over All the Money
This may sound like a logical response to the situation but we argue it isn’t.
Taking control of all your financials may prevent the consequences of your partner’s decisions.
This may work as an interim white-wash solution, but it’s not profitable in the long haul.
It doesn’t fix the issue at heart.
Secondly, your partner is not your child.
It’s not your job to parent them and dictate their financial choices.
This is one of the money mistakes couples do in their relationship.
The aim is to support them to develop better financial habits and make better money choices.
Don’t Give In
It’s tempting to think: if you can’t beat them join them.
Trust us, we know!
But you have to have a strong resolve to stand your ground.
Your partner may change in a day or in a year, or longer.
Change is always tough, so don’t give up or give in to their level.
The result would be that you’re both making bad financial decisions.
And that’s not good for anyone.
3 Ways To Support Your Partner to Stop Being Bad With Money
There are many ways you can support your partner in this situation.
These three are a great starting point for yout to try.
Start With A Budget
A budget is the foundation of your financials.
It’s the receipt for your claims.
Take time to create (or revisit) a detailed budget with all expenses line by line.
Showing your partner the numbers (in a non-judgemental way) could open their eyes too.
The method you use to budget as a couple will dictate how you approach this.
Secondly, ensure you set clear financial responsibilities in the budget.
Agree on who’s paying for the rent, food, fuel, nursery etc.
If your money is combined, you may open separate accounts for bills and spending.
To be clear, if your partner is only spending their “spending money”, that’s okay.
Even if you disagree with where they might be spending it.
This is about how their financial decisions affect your living expenses being paid or money goals being achieved.
Download our FREE Couples Budgeting Guide to successfully budget together.
Go On A Financial Diet
This could be trying a no-spend week or month.
You could cut up your credit cards and aim to only use your debit cards.
Or, you try a daily savings challenge of saving £1 or £5 a day.
This is all in an effort to introduce new habits that’ll positively impact your partner’s money mindset.
Plus it also helps them overcome their bad money habits.
Lead By Example
You can be the example your partner needs to see for them to change.
Show your partner, through action, what it’s like to save or invest.
Let them see you making certain decisions that won’t impact you.
Tell them why you chose not to spend money even though really wanted the item.
Let your partner see you do the things you’re asking for them to change.
Involving them could really encourage them to make the change.
3 Things To Do For Yourself
Despite your partner being with money, you’re still impacted by it.
Here are 3 things you should do to ensure your cover yourself in this situation.
Set VERY Clear Boundaries
Be very clear about your boundaries throughout this journey.
How much are you willing to tolerate?
How far are you willing to go?
What are your non-negotiables?
What if things don’t change?
Fully define these and communicate them with your partner so you’re both on the same page.
Prepare To Be Patient
Change takes time, especially with money habits.
Prepare yourself and your mindset that patience will be your arsenal.
Patience is not just about “waiting” for things to change.
It also means being prepared to repeatedly support your partner.
Being patient means showing grace to your partner sometimes when they make a bad decision.
Being patient also means you’ll have days when you may give up, but they won’t last long.
So, be prepare to be patient.
Be H.O.T = Honest, Open and Transparent!
This should be your NUMBER ONE rule throughout all of this!
Stay true to your thoughts, feelings and decisions.
Don’t sugar-coat the truth or downplay the problem.
Have sympathy and speak with love, but always be crystal clear about the reality.
Be HOT with yourself and with your partner about your finances.
Take Action
We want you to know that the situation can change.
Your partner is bad with money today, but they can be amazing with money too.
But change only comes through action!
Take one action daily towards supporting your partner through this.
Check out our Couples Money Workbook to have a step-by-step guide to rebuild your financial intimacy and start working together with money.
Share this post with others so they can also learn about money too.
Let us know how you’re getting along by getting in touch with us, we’d love to hear from you.
Knowledge is powerless without action.
So take action, and take care.
Thando & Lindie