Money issues can ruin your relationship if ignored or mishandled.
We already have personal money issues that we deal with, imagine how much more amplified they are in a relationship.
These money issues can lead to arguments and disputes and potentially end in separation from each other.
It’s often said money leads to divorce and separation.
The real problem lies in the issues around money that are left unresolved over time until the bubble bursts.
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Money Issues That Could Ruin Your Relationship
I’d put money on the fact that every couple has money issues.
Having money issues doesn’t mean you’re bad with money or that you don’t love each other.
Your love for each other could cause you to turn a blind eye to these issues with the hopes that they will go away.
Eventually, these money issues will ruin your relationship by impacting your financial intimacy, which feeds into your overall intimacy.
Here are 6 money issues that could ruin your relationship and what you should do about them.
1. Financial Infidelity
Most people will know about infidelity from the perspective of someone cheating on their spouse with someone else.
Financial infidelity is ultimately being dishonest and secretly hiding finances from your partner.
If you’re in debt or have built up saving and investments that you actively hide from your partner, you’re committing financial infidelity.
This may seem harmless on the surface since you’re not emotionally or physically cheating with someone else.
But when you cheat with money you destroy financial intimacy, and I‘m always talking about the importance of financial intimacy for couples.
Like any other form of cheating, this will lead to broken trust and shattered oneness.
What to do:
Discuss money with your partner and let it be a completely open and transparent conversation.
Lay all the cards on the table, financial products you have, your money habits and behaviours, plus your financial mistakes and wins.
2. Debt And Relationships
Being in debt isn’t going to ruin your relationship, it’s how you handle it that will determine its impact on your union.
Debt brings out a lot of emotions like fear, anxiety and stress which heavily impact your overall wellbeing.
This can lead to couples fighting and arguing about the debt they find themselves in.
These fights will usually stem from judgements being passed and one partner being blamed for the debts.
If not managed properly this can take you down the path of debt being a killer of your financial intimacy.
What to do:
Set up a debt payoff plan as a couple and tackle the debts together.
Give no room for blaming each other or passing judgement on why you’re in debt.
Focus on the goal of being debt-free and support each other on the journey.
3. Not Talking About Money
I’ll always advocate for couples to talk about money no matter how casual or committed the relationship is.
Money is involved from how you’re paying for date night through to paying bills when you live together.
Not talking about money in your relationship will lead to you living separate financial lives.
In a relationship, the ultimate goal is building a life together, and this financial separation makes that extremely difficult.
How can you build a life together if you don’t talk about money, more precisely, how to use your money to build the life you both want?
What to do:
The best way to talk about money is to start a budget together.
This will give you the foundation to open the money talk and discuss how money plays a part in your relationship.
4. Not Having Joint Money Goals
Talking about the role of money in your relationship is one thing, having joint money goals is taking things to the next level.
If you don’t have joint money goals it becomes tough to agree on what you’re doing with your finances and your relationship.
Suppose one of you wants to start investing and the other is more concerned about buying a house.
Or you may desire to travel and see the world together but your partner wants to stop working to start a business.
This can ruin your relationship because you will not be on the same page about your money decisions for the future.
What to do:
Develop a life and financial plan together for your future.
Take the time to think and agree on what goals to pursue and how you’ll finance those goals.
The goals don’t have to be beneficial to both of you, such as a goal for a professional qualification.
The key is that you both agree on the pursuit of the goal and make plans for its achievement.
5. Agreeing to Disagree
Usually, opposites attract in relationships. Savers get with spenders, givers get with investors, and budgeters get with those who don’t budget.
It’s bound that you will come to a financial issue that you’ll disagree about.
Couples end up agreeing to disagree as an acknowledgement that no matter what’s said, neither of you will change your minds.
So you agree to disagree to stop the debate and move on. Or do you?
There are times when you can agree to disagree however when money is involved you have to conclude the matter.
Leaving money issues unresolved could lead to more problems. You could end up spending more energy putting out the fire from your indecision, than just coming to an agreement.
Agreeing to disagree about any serious matter, financial or not, could ruin your relationship as issues remain unresolved.
What to do:
When you’re having the money chat, give each other room to fully express how you truly feel about the matter and the reasons behind it.
Explain your thoughts without any derogatory attitude, that will make the conversation go south.
Allow your partner to do the same whilst you aim to understand why they feel the way they feel.
If needed, give each other time to think about what has been said and to come up with ideas on how to handle it.
Then come back and conclude the matter, have more thinking time if necessary.
6. Dictatorship Over Democracy
When one of you is more controlling and demanding than the other with finances, you may end up in all sorts of issues.
It’s one thing to take responsibility for sorting out the finances and budget, and quite another to dictate your partner’s money habits and behaviours.
Imagine if your partner tells you to ask for permission to use the credit card before you shop online.
This doesn’t mean you should expect your partner to be okay with spending more money than you can afford.
Habits like overspending money are what leads them to be controlling as an attempt to stop you spending all the money.
But in the long run, this is not a healthy position to stay in.
What to do:
This is another reason why budgeting as a couple is key.
You’ll both have a say about what you do with your finances and agree on the set up you’re having.
Allocate personal spending money that you’ll each have to do whatever you want without question.
As long as you each stick to the budget then the boundaries should be clear.
Final Thoughts
Dealing with these issues may take some and require some changes to your mindset and approach to money.
It may feel hard at times but every effort you put into your financial intimacy will go a long way in your relationship.
Please don’t turn the blind eye hoping these will somehow magically disappear, they won’t.
We want you guys to win in your relationship and with your finances.
Take Action
Money issues can ruin your relationship, but not if you deal with them. Start today!
Save this list as a reminder of what to watch out for.
Share this with your partner and come up with an action plan together to tackle this.
Check out our Ultimate Money Plan budgeting spreadsheet to get in control of your money and smash your financial goals
Let us know how you’re getting along by getting in touch with us, we’d love to hear from you
Knowledge is powerless without action
So take action, and take care
Thando